Going back one year and reading what I wrote at the very beginning of this journey, I can only think of how much things have changed. It's not that the world, or the city we live in have changed, but how perspectives have evolved. It's about the evolution of a youthful idealism to pragmatic realism. It's about growing up and realizing that you can't change the world, but what you can change is what you can control. Perhaps most importantly, it's about giving it your all, and when your all isn't enough, you lay it down and allow God to carry you through.
33 weeks ago, this day - the last day of the school year - was one that seemed too far away. It was a day that seemed like it would never come, simply because I was struggling and trudging along, slowly learning the ropes of a profession I had just entered. However, as I left school for the last time this year, this moment wasn't as joyful and freeing as I had anticipated it to be. It was a bittersweet moment; a moment to ponder and reflect. My experiences this year have molded me and have enabled me to learn more about myself. They have also given me perspective into some of the greatest challenges we face as a society. I came into this job thinking that education was going to change everything - that by giving my kids the education and love they deserved, everything was going to change and somehow, their lives would get better. I'm going to be honest with myself and admit that I came into this thinking that I was here to serve an underserved population that needed outside help. I was wrong.
In some ways, I had a "messiah complex," wanting to come and 'save' these students. However, simply by living in Detroit and spending time with these students, I realized that they didn't need a 'savior.' These children don't need saving - and coming in with that mindset only made my job harder. I was frustrated that I wasn't making a difference, but I realized that my definition of "making a difference" came from my own background and neglected theirs. I realized that this job wasn't about changing lives; it's not my place to change a life. It's not my place to tell a child what to do with their life. It's their life; there's only one person that can change their lives, and that's themselves. They have their own minds, their own ambitions, and their own identity; it's not my job to create a new identity on their behalf, but to help them create their own. It's not my job to draw their life paths for them, but to provide the tools for them to do so themselves. Wouldn't it be so easy to just tell students what to do? Yes. But would it be effective? No. This isn't our role. Our role is to teach them the values of being a respectful and honorable human being; of being a citizen, a sibling, a child, a friend. Our role is to provide them the opportunities for change, but change itself relies on the student. We can motivate them, engage them, and show them the potential they have, but in the end, they themselves have to have the conviction that change is necessary. It is up to them to make a difference, and it is up to them to define what "making a difference" means. Detroit needs to change in its own way, not how outsiders tell them to.
Coming into this job and thinking that education was the solution to everything, I was quickly brought back to earth. I was brought back to the reality that there are so many other factors that inhibit the growth of a child. When you are afraid of walking to school by yourself, when you can't do your homework because you don't have electricity, and when you have to skip school because your parents can't take care of your siblings, it's not your fault. When you don't know how to be a man because your father is in jail, when you have to work three days a week because your single mother's three jobs isn't enough to support the family, and when you don't even have a home to return to after school, it's just not your fault. Our kids accept these as their reality - they don't seek to change this because this is simply how life is supposed to be in Detroit. They see this in their lives, in their families, and in their friends' families, so what's so bad about it? This is when I finally realized that you can only change what you can control. We are all humans after all, and we have our limitations. I have learned that I have to be okay with not turning a child's life around 180 degrees, to not blame myself for things out of my control, but to do everything I can within my spheres of influence. This isn't resigning to defeat, or to accept failure, but simply an acknowledgement of the reality of human limitations. It's the acknowledgement that we all play our roles, and together, something will change. As individuals, we just need to do our jobs, and do them well. There is so much wrong with our society - in particular, our city - and it's going to take so much more than me to change it. To think that I can do it is prideful and simply not trusting in the sovereignty of God; God put me in this place to do this job. While a teacher can also be a counselor, a parent and so forth, we have to learn to lay it all down and if we really did the best job we can, we just have to acknowledge that we can't change everything.
So what's next? I've been faced with the harsh reality of Detroit, and I've understood what change really means, but how does that change the work we do as educators? First, this requires a change in the mentality of the students. They need to see that the circumstances they are surrounded with should not be their reality. They need to see for themselves a need for change, because like I said, we can't force it onto them; they need to realize it themselves. As an educator, I can be the first to set an example. First and foremost, showing my kids patience goes a long way to teaching them the simple ideas of respect and human dignity. Indeed, I think the bittersweetness of the end of year partly lies within the fact that these past few months have been like pulling teeth with my kids. I end up raising my voice on a daily basis, sending kids out of the room because I just can't stand them, and even getting into petty little arguments with them. Yes, they were misbehaving, but could I have set a better example? Yes. When they see their parents and now their teachers all treat them this way, this becomes what they are socialized into. Simply being more patient with them doesn't sound like much, but it shows them that if they are treated with respect by their authority figures, they too need to treat their peers with that kind of respect. It's these little things that develop their social norms, growing as thoughtful and conscientious citizens.
Secondly, their growth from boys and girls into young men and women requires a significant investment on the part of both their teachers and their parents. What is much harder to change is the involvement of their parents, but what I can easily change is my investment. A regret I had this year was that I became too complacent in building relationships with my students. On the last day of class, I thought about how many students I had actually built a solid relationship with, and I can't think of more than 10 or 15. That's just over a tenth of my students. Like I had written earlier, true change doesn't come from me telling a child what to do. Genuine, lasting change comes from me building a relationship with a child and guiding them along the path of them realizing what they themselves need to change. It's about listening to their life stories, their bits and pieces of drama and their musings on life, and then giving them guidance to make the right decisions. It's impossible to take a broad, sweeping stroke and just tell kids to make good choices. Each student has had different life experiences that have defined who they are, and it takes time and investment to get to know them. This work isn't easy, and yes, it's time-consuming, but it's something we have to do. I've found myself wasting the whole hour of my lunch, when I have kids sitting in my classroom the entire time, waiting to be heard and talked to. It takes a lot more energy I know, but can I really expect a shift in my students' mindsets if I'm just sitting on the side watching?
Moving from personal growth into communal, societal growth, it has been incredibly important for me to understand that education is not the solution to everything. I've understood that sustainable change requires an investment by the entire community, with parents forming its cornerstone. Teachers and schools can only do so much - we can open pathways of opportunity, but these pathways need to have an end goal. We can give them knowledge and skills, but they need places in which to apply them. Our kids need to live in communities and environments that are conducive for their development. They don't need to grow up fatherless, they don't need to visit their brothers in jail on the weekends, and they certainly don't need to go to a family member's funeral every few weeks. Our kids need to have a place for healthy socialization, an outlet to express themselves, and avenues to form their own identity. Our kids need so much more than school. While I did learn that we can only change what we can control, we can empower our students to take ownership of their communities and make lasting change, piece by piece, for the betterment of the city they love. These kids live here, and they know best how to change their own community. That's why student-led movements are so important - they need to be empowered to speak out and take action. Imagine how powerful it would be if we had an entire student body openly reject drugs, board up abandoned houses, and cleaned up their neighborhood parks? To get to this point, we need to empower our students - to have them realize that they hold the key to their future, and their future is defined not by these 'outsiders,' by but them and their peers. Indeed, it's by developing these students' social skills, their social consciousness and by truly investing in them that they can be empowered to make a difference in their communities.
I've learned a lot this past year - I've had stories of success, but I also end the school year with regrets. I've learned that it is the students that are in control of their future - we are merely tools to help them get there. This job isn't about us and what we can do, but it's about how we can help our students do everything they can do. It's not about creating change as we see it, but about empowering our students to produce change that will last beyond their generation. This job is about realizing the potential of these students. Just by seeing what they go through on a daily basis, and still come to school wanting to learn, you can see what they're made of. These students are stronger, more resilient, more perseverant than I could ever imagine myself to be. The circumstances they deal with aren't their fault, but they shoulder the burden and move on. Let's give them some credit and trust that with God's grace, they will become the leaders that will shape their own futures and those of their communities.
