Monday, November 28, 2011
Promises.
You may not care; you may not want to be here; you may hate me, disrespect me, mock me; you may try to get rid of me. But I will love every single one of you. I will do my very best to give you the education you deserve. I will sit you down and make you learn. I will give nothing less than my all to ensure that you grow up as responsible, mature adults. Try as hard as you want, but I'm not leaving you. There is nothing you can do to stop me from loving you for who you are as a person, as a child of God. You are never going to stop me from trying, falling, and rising up even stronger. You can frustrate me, anger me, try to push me off the cliff as much as you want, but if you think that's gonna drive me out, you're wrong. Together, we're going to learn; we're going to have fun; we're going to believe in ourselves when no one else would; we're going to succeed even if we are the only people that thought we could. You may never thank me or understand why I'm here, but that's okay. All I want you to know is that you are treasured, and you are loved. That, is my promise to you.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
They can, and they will.
Over the break, I got to talk to a lot of friends and family about how school has been going and how life has been in general. It was a time for me to rant about how bad school was, and how challenging things were going, and thinking back on those conversations, one thing stood out: the negativity that has slowly but surely creeped into me talking about my students and the system. I came into this full of hope (and some may say, a naive idealism) that I was going to turn things around and make these kids' lives better. Since then, I've been hit with multiple heavy doses of reality; I saw the magnitude of the challenge ahead of me, and slowly dampened expectations. Indeed, while being realistic is great and very necessary, I needed to not lose sight of the reason for which I came here to teach. I needed to remember why I joined this organization, and why I made a commitment to teach these kids. It was because I believed that they can, and will, get past the many obstacles they have faced in and outside of the schools and become productive, respectable citizens in their communities.
The first three months of teaching sent my lofty ambitions and goals tumbling down, and that was a good thing. My youthful idealism was replaced with a healthy view of reality that took pressure off myself and took the burden of 'changing' these kids off my shoulders. I saw how the kids couldn't read, couldn't behave, and didn't care about school, and I accepted it as something that just happens. Indeed, while being realistic was good, realism for me was soon replaced with apathy and negativity. My conversations with friends this weekend all revolved around how my kids couldn't read, or didn't care. They were negative in every way about my students and their attitude in school. I realized that the things I was saying about these students, while all true, showed an inherent attitude within me - one of resignation and complacency. I saw how these kids disrespected and mocked me, and decided that maybe I would focus on teaching those who did respect me. I saw how these kids didn't care about school, and I decided that if they didn't care, it was my job to teach those who did, instead of motivating those that didn't. I saw how these kids hated to be in my class, and decided that the best way forward was to discipline the troublemakers, but not investing in them and motivating them to actually want to be there. I had become apathetic about some of these students, mainly because I decided it was too much stress that I didn't really need to handle at the time.
Being indifferent, as it turns out, was so much easier than believing in each and every single one of these students. I love them all, but the question is whether I actually believed in all of them. Even my worse-behaved students I love and care about, because in the end, they're kids. However, did I really believe that they were going to make it academically and socially? Probably not. I had consigned myself to thinking that some of my students weren't going to pass the class. To me at the time, if they didn't care, how much effort did I need to make before it became too much? The answer, as I've come to realize, is never. I believe that God created every single human being in His own image (Gen. 1:27) and no one is worth any more or less than another. If Jesus himself didn't turn away lepers, tax collectors and prostitutes, why right did I have to do so? I had no right to think that some were beyond 'saving.'
Each and every single student is created in God's image, and not one of them deserve to be forgotten. They may not care, may not like me or want to be there, but as a teacher, it is my responsibility to believe in each and every one of them. I can't let indifference and apathy get the better of me, because that's not what I signed up for. It may take more work to get through to some than others, but that is indeed why I'm here. It may take a lot more stress, sleepless nights, frustrating conversations and prayers to motivate some others, but they deserve it. Many of these kids have never had a teacher that cared, and indeed, many of them don't even have parents that do. I can't blame them for resenting me, because in the end, it's not their fault. What I need to do is to ensure that each of my students can see God's love through me. God loved us unconditionally, and sent His son to die for us regardless of what we had done, so why can't we also learn to love unconditionally? I know it's hard, but I know that it's what I need to do. I know that I can only make a difference if I can get through not only to the 'good' kids but those that are apathetic and unmotivated. I'm not just going to stand there and let them fail; they deserve much better than that. Unconditional love means to sacrifice for them and to think of them before myself. I've gotten so much unconditional love from my parents, family, friends and God, and it's about time I showed it to my students. My students deserve it; each and every single one of them do.
Tomorrow will be a new day. It will be a different day, because I'm going in with a new attitude. I'm going in confident that none of them will fail, that they can all succeed. I'm going to believe in these students; that they will not only be better students, but better people. Because they can, and they will.
The first three months of teaching sent my lofty ambitions and goals tumbling down, and that was a good thing. My youthful idealism was replaced with a healthy view of reality that took pressure off myself and took the burden of 'changing' these kids off my shoulders. I saw how the kids couldn't read, couldn't behave, and didn't care about school, and I accepted it as something that just happens. Indeed, while being realistic was good, realism for me was soon replaced with apathy and negativity. My conversations with friends this weekend all revolved around how my kids couldn't read, or didn't care. They were negative in every way about my students and their attitude in school. I realized that the things I was saying about these students, while all true, showed an inherent attitude within me - one of resignation and complacency. I saw how these kids disrespected and mocked me, and decided that maybe I would focus on teaching those who did respect me. I saw how these kids didn't care about school, and I decided that if they didn't care, it was my job to teach those who did, instead of motivating those that didn't. I saw how these kids hated to be in my class, and decided that the best way forward was to discipline the troublemakers, but not investing in them and motivating them to actually want to be there. I had become apathetic about some of these students, mainly because I decided it was too much stress that I didn't really need to handle at the time.
Being indifferent, as it turns out, was so much easier than believing in each and every single one of these students. I love them all, but the question is whether I actually believed in all of them. Even my worse-behaved students I love and care about, because in the end, they're kids. However, did I really believe that they were going to make it academically and socially? Probably not. I had consigned myself to thinking that some of my students weren't going to pass the class. To me at the time, if they didn't care, how much effort did I need to make before it became too much? The answer, as I've come to realize, is never. I believe that God created every single human being in His own image (Gen. 1:27) and no one is worth any more or less than another. If Jesus himself didn't turn away lepers, tax collectors and prostitutes, why right did I have to do so? I had no right to think that some were beyond 'saving.'
Each and every single student is created in God's image, and not one of them deserve to be forgotten. They may not care, may not like me or want to be there, but as a teacher, it is my responsibility to believe in each and every one of them. I can't let indifference and apathy get the better of me, because that's not what I signed up for. It may take more work to get through to some than others, but that is indeed why I'm here. It may take a lot more stress, sleepless nights, frustrating conversations and prayers to motivate some others, but they deserve it. Many of these kids have never had a teacher that cared, and indeed, many of them don't even have parents that do. I can't blame them for resenting me, because in the end, it's not their fault. What I need to do is to ensure that each of my students can see God's love through me. God loved us unconditionally, and sent His son to die for us regardless of what we had done, so why can't we also learn to love unconditionally? I know it's hard, but I know that it's what I need to do. I know that I can only make a difference if I can get through not only to the 'good' kids but those that are apathetic and unmotivated. I'm not just going to stand there and let them fail; they deserve much better than that. Unconditional love means to sacrifice for them and to think of them before myself. I've gotten so much unconditional love from my parents, family, friends and God, and it's about time I showed it to my students. My students deserve it; each and every single one of them do.
Tomorrow will be a new day. It will be a different day, because I'm going in with a new attitude. I'm going in confident that none of them will fail, that they can all succeed. I'm going to believe in these students; that they will not only be better students, but better people. Because they can, and they will.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I Will Follow
Not going to update about school this time. At this point, school's just what it is; kids have good days and bad days, and good weeks and bad weeks. Sometimes they will never listen, and others they are angels. At least regardless of the situation, they're learning. So school's going alright.
Throughout the past few weeks, however, I've had to do a lot of thinking about the purpose of my work, and especially, the purpose of living in Detroit specifically. It's not a coincidence I was placed in Detroit; there was a reason, but I've failed to find out what it was. In fact, I'll admit I wasn't really even trying until a sermon my pastor at Mack Ave Community Church gave two weeks ago. He gave this sermon on Genesis 30-31, where God blesses Jacob abundantly despite his brokenness, and then calls Jacob to leave his flocks and land. In this passage, Jacob was later protected from Laban because he was able to prove to him that he was a man of integrity and of honesty. Indeed, it was God who protected him, and He had done so because Jacob had listened, and moreover, because God uses broken people in miraculous ways. Pastor Russ later made a really good point - he said that a lot of us at the church see Detroit as a temporary 'prison;' that we came because Wayne was the only school we got into, or Detroit was the only place that we could find a job at. He said that many of us come for the requisite couple years and then leave. Not only that, but during these two years, many of us are waiting to leave; we don't see this as our home, but merely a place to hang out before we find somewhere better to be. That statement really struck home for me; when I got the assignment to Detroit, I was apprehensive and not overly excited. My mentality had always been one of coming here, working for a few years, get my certification, and then teach out west. What I had failed to do was to consider why God had called me to Detroit specifically. It was all about me and my own comfort, but I never considered why I was called to this city.
That sermon really made me think about my purpose here, and how I view the community I'm working with. These children don't deserve to be a 'project,' or guinea pigs that I'm using to learn how to teach. This community and church don't deserve to have given so much to me, but receive so little in return. This city doesn't deserve to have provided this opportunity and this welcome to people like me and then just see people slowly leave to better pastures. We've been through that before already - people came for the good and didn't stay for the bad - and that is why Detroit is what it is nowadays. If I believed in Detroit and the revival of this great city, I must know that Detroit deserves more than that. Detroit deserves people that won't only care about it for two or three years, but will love and cherish this city and its people for years and years to come. Mack Ave has a wonderful vision of having a diverse group of people move into the harsher neighborhoods of Detroit and immersing themselves into the community to revive it. It takes a lot of sacrifice and commitment, but this is what Detroit needs.
This message really got me thinking about the commitment (or lack thereof) I'm making to this city. I don't know what the answer is yet, but I do know that this city deserves better than someone like me who saw Detroit as a short-term stopgap. Detroit needs a revival, and I want to be part of that. I'm not ready to make a commitment just yet, but I am ready to say that God called me here for a reason, and I can't just ignore that. I need to be like Jacob and be obedient when I'm called to certain places or situations. I love the city of Detroit, and I really can't just see this as a two or three-year thing. This has opened my heart up to a long-term commitment to this city. I'd like to be here to see it rise up from the ashes, and I guess that's an option I have to keep open as I pray and deliberate.
Speaking of my purpose here, I was at the Veritas Forum in Ann Arbor last Friday. A few things the speaker said reminded me of my purpose, which I have too often lost track of. Teach for America has reminded me time after time that this work is about achieving change; to increase test scores and reading levels. While that is true, I'm forgetting what teaching really is. Teaching is to transform the minds of the students; to show them the love they deserve and instill in them a change that isn't only academic but emotional, mental and cultural. It's easy to focus too heavily on test scores and student achievement (and thus yell at them for not doing work) and then forget to love them unconditionally. This speaker said that "knowledge is from the head, but understanding is from the heart." She's right - we're not just teaching them knowledge, but we're teaching them understanding. We're teaching an understanding of the world around them, an understanding of those different from them, an understanding of the hardships and suffering of those much worse off than them. I've forgotten that too often, and that talk was really good to just refocus my work; to remind myself of my purpose and my goal.
Reading through the story of Jacob and many others in the Bible that followed even when they may not have wanted to was a firm reminder that I can't just do it my way. Jacob's story tells us that we can't be perfect, but it's exactly these imperfections that God uses for change. We need to admit to our imperfections, be people of honesty and integrity, and then serve not despite our imperfections, but using these imperfections. That's why I'm here.
Throughout the past few weeks, however, I've had to do a lot of thinking about the purpose of my work, and especially, the purpose of living in Detroit specifically. It's not a coincidence I was placed in Detroit; there was a reason, but I've failed to find out what it was. In fact, I'll admit I wasn't really even trying until a sermon my pastor at Mack Ave Community Church gave two weeks ago. He gave this sermon on Genesis 30-31, where God blesses Jacob abundantly despite his brokenness, and then calls Jacob to leave his flocks and land. In this passage, Jacob was later protected from Laban because he was able to prove to him that he was a man of integrity and of honesty. Indeed, it was God who protected him, and He had done so because Jacob had listened, and moreover, because God uses broken people in miraculous ways. Pastor Russ later made a really good point - he said that a lot of us at the church see Detroit as a temporary 'prison;' that we came because Wayne was the only school we got into, or Detroit was the only place that we could find a job at. He said that many of us come for the requisite couple years and then leave. Not only that, but during these two years, many of us are waiting to leave; we don't see this as our home, but merely a place to hang out before we find somewhere better to be. That statement really struck home for me; when I got the assignment to Detroit, I was apprehensive and not overly excited. My mentality had always been one of coming here, working for a few years, get my certification, and then teach out west. What I had failed to do was to consider why God had called me to Detroit specifically. It was all about me and my own comfort, but I never considered why I was called to this city.
That sermon really made me think about my purpose here, and how I view the community I'm working with. These children don't deserve to be a 'project,' or guinea pigs that I'm using to learn how to teach. This community and church don't deserve to have given so much to me, but receive so little in return. This city doesn't deserve to have provided this opportunity and this welcome to people like me and then just see people slowly leave to better pastures. We've been through that before already - people came for the good and didn't stay for the bad - and that is why Detroit is what it is nowadays. If I believed in Detroit and the revival of this great city, I must know that Detroit deserves more than that. Detroit deserves people that won't only care about it for two or three years, but will love and cherish this city and its people for years and years to come. Mack Ave has a wonderful vision of having a diverse group of people move into the harsher neighborhoods of Detroit and immersing themselves into the community to revive it. It takes a lot of sacrifice and commitment, but this is what Detroit needs.
This message really got me thinking about the commitment (or lack thereof) I'm making to this city. I don't know what the answer is yet, but I do know that this city deserves better than someone like me who saw Detroit as a short-term stopgap. Detroit needs a revival, and I want to be part of that. I'm not ready to make a commitment just yet, but I am ready to say that God called me here for a reason, and I can't just ignore that. I need to be like Jacob and be obedient when I'm called to certain places or situations. I love the city of Detroit, and I really can't just see this as a two or three-year thing. This has opened my heart up to a long-term commitment to this city. I'd like to be here to see it rise up from the ashes, and I guess that's an option I have to keep open as I pray and deliberate.
Speaking of my purpose here, I was at the Veritas Forum in Ann Arbor last Friday. A few things the speaker said reminded me of my purpose, which I have too often lost track of. Teach for America has reminded me time after time that this work is about achieving change; to increase test scores and reading levels. While that is true, I'm forgetting what teaching really is. Teaching is to transform the minds of the students; to show them the love they deserve and instill in them a change that isn't only academic but emotional, mental and cultural. It's easy to focus too heavily on test scores and student achievement (and thus yell at them for not doing work) and then forget to love them unconditionally. This speaker said that "knowledge is from the head, but understanding is from the heart." She's right - we're not just teaching them knowledge, but we're teaching them understanding. We're teaching an understanding of the world around them, an understanding of those different from them, an understanding of the hardships and suffering of those much worse off than them. I've forgotten that too often, and that talk was really good to just refocus my work; to remind myself of my purpose and my goal.
Reading through the story of Jacob and many others in the Bible that followed even when they may not have wanted to was a firm reminder that I can't just do it my way. Jacob's story tells us that we can't be perfect, but it's exactly these imperfections that God uses for change. We need to admit to our imperfections, be people of honesty and integrity, and then serve not despite our imperfections, but using these imperfections. That's why I'm here.
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