Institute Reflections

It’s been almost two weeks since Institute ended. It really does feel like it was so long ago; when I walked out of Bronx Prep and then out of St. John’s University, it was kind of surreal. It was surreal because it was only two weeks before that when I thought it would never end. It was surreal because Institute seemed like an eternity, but yet when it ended, it felt like it never really happened. We were on such a routine, and we had processed through so much that our minds were numb to thinking about what had just happened over the past five weeks. It didn’t seem like that long ago when I had to think twice about why I was doing this, and if I would actually make it through these crazy 19-hour days. I did, and I came out of those five weeks a better teacher, ready to do what I need to do in Detroit.

The last two weeks of Institute seem like a blur to me now. We had come up with such a routine that it didn’t really stress us out that much anymore. I made sure that my lesson plans and handouts for the next day were done by 5pm, so when I got off the bus from school, I would go straight to print and copy, just to skip the long lines later at night at the copy center. I finally learned how to fully script out a lesson plan, and how to ask students the right questions to push their understanding. I learned how to execute my lessons efficiently, so that my students would be interested and invested. I learned what I needed to do when I needed my students to work, when I needed to listen, when I needed to them work with each other, and when I needed them to speak up in class. Thinking back to the last two weeks, they just happened so fast. It seemed like I didn’t really get to go through everything I wanted to. I didn’t get to know my students well enough. It just wasn’t a long-enough summer. Indeed, as much as I didn’t enjoy the training part of Institute, my students at Bronx Prep were amazing, and they deserved so much more than the time we gave them.

I left Bronx Prep with a sense of excitement – for a new chapter of my life in Detroit – but also one of regret. I regretted not knowing my students as well as I could have; I didn’t know their stories, I didn’t know who they were as people. The fact that they were the class I used to student-teach and train made it feel like they were our guinea pigs. We tried and tested our methods on them, and when they didn’t work, they just sat there in confusion. One of my biggest regrets at Bronx Prep was that the four weeks we had with our students could have been so much more impactful than they were. One of my students was passionate about the subject and had worked diligently in class. He knew he wasn’t doing well with the material, so he asked to stay after school for tutoring, took the initiative to ask more questions, and did his homework to the best of his ability. Before the final exam, he was passing the class with a C average. Then came the final. The final exam, being the only assessment not written by myself, was also a gauge of teacher effectiveness. If the students did well, it probably showed that the teachers had effectively taught the students the objectives. If the students didn’t do well, questions are asked about the teacher and if they actually taught the students the material. As it turns out, all but one of my students passed it. He went from passing my class to failing it marginally, solely because of his performance on his final. This means he would probably have to repeat this class again next year, maybe even pushing his graduation back another year.

Seeing his test results broke my heart – not only for him but for myself. I had questions about my own ability to teach; if this test was meant to measure how well we taught them, does that mean I didn’t do a good job of it? Did he really fail because I wasn’t a good enough teacher? Thinking about it more though, I realized that this wasn’t the attitude I should be having. The question isn’t why I failed, but why we failed as a team. The question was where the disconnect was between my teaching and his learning, and identifying how I could improve my teaching so that my students will increase their own learning. I had to remember that we were a team, and it wasn’t only his fault, or my fault, but a collaborative effort.  The question I had to address was how I could become a better teacher, and how I could help him become a better student. While this part of the past was unfortunate, and regrettable, we can only change what’s ahead of us. I came out of this knowing that I will need to change my delivery of information, that students need more individualized time than what I had given, and that I probably need to be a stricter grader, so that students know where they actually are with their learning.

I talked to him after class and told him I was proud of his work in class. I told him I was proud of him no matter what, because he showed he actually cared. He deserved it, and so did the rest of my class. They may have told me I was boring, fallen asleep, and texted each other in class, but these were nothing in comparison to what many other students did. My class showed me the respect that any teacher deserved, and they thoroughly deserve my appreciation for that. On my last day, my students gave me a signed t-shirt and card that expressed their own thanks for this summer. That, for me, was one of the most powerful moments in my teaching – I was reminded of why I did this again. I was reminded that no matter how hard it was going to be, it was for no one else but the kids.

Institute wasn’t easy. Not at all. But I did come out of it knowing how to be a better teacher. I was pushed to improve, pushed to make my kids improve, and pushed to do everything in my power to help my students succeed. I came out of Institute with a clear direction on where I want to (and don’t want to) take my class next year. I know my strengths and weaknesses, and can leverage that to make my classroom as effective as it can be next year. I may not have gotten the instruction that I wanted, but in some ways I got more than that; I learned some essential skills that would make me a more effective teacher. I may still not know how to be an effective English teacher, but I do know how to execute my lessons efficiently, and how to invest in my students to build genuine, lasting relationships with them. The challenges at Institute only made me more aware of the challenges we will be facing in Detroit. There are things I’m not going to agree with here, just as there were at Institute, but I have to remember that this isn’t about me. I have an entire community of amazing corps members in Detroit who have a real heart for the city and these students. They care so deeply about the education of these young men and women, and together, we will find ways to best serve our students. The heart that my fellow corps members have shown has been nothing short of transformational – they will work day and night to ensure that they teach effectively, and will love their students more than anything. We will work through these challenges together, share ideas with each other, build each other up, encourage each other, and most importantly, constantly remind each other of why we’re here, and who we’re here for. There are undoubtedly going to be challenges like the ones we faced at Institute, but these are means to get to the end of being a good teacher. So, if this is what I have to do to best serve my kids, that’s what I’ll do.