I Will Follow

Not going to update about school this time. At this point, school's just what it is; kids have good days and bad days, and good weeks and bad weeks. Sometimes they will never listen, and others they are angels. At least regardless of the situation, they're learning. So school's going alright. 


Throughout the past few weeks, however, I've had to do a lot of thinking about the purpose of my work, and especially, the purpose of living in Detroit specifically.  It's not a coincidence I was placed in Detroit; there was a reason, but I've failed to find out what it was. In fact, I'll admit I wasn't really even trying until a sermon my pastor at Mack Ave Community Church gave two weeks ago. He gave this sermon on Genesis 30-31, where God blesses Jacob abundantly despite his brokenness, and then calls Jacob to leave his flocks and land. In this passage, Jacob was later protected from Laban because he was able to prove to him that he was a man of integrity and of honesty. Indeed, it was God who protected him, and He had done so because Jacob had listened, and moreover, because God uses broken people in miraculous ways. Pastor Russ later made a really good point - he said that a lot of us at the church see Detroit as a temporary 'prison;' that we came because Wayne was the only school we got into, or Detroit was the only place that we could find a job at. He said that many of us come for the requisite couple years and then leave. Not only that, but during these two years, many of us are waiting to leave; we don't see this as our home, but merely a place to hang out before we find somewhere better to be. That statement really struck home for me; when I got the assignment to Detroit, I was apprehensive and not overly excited. My mentality had always been one of coming here, working for a few years, get my certification, and then teach out west. What I had failed to do was to consider why God had called me to Detroit specifically. It was all about me and my own comfort, but I never considered why I was called to this city.


That sermon really made me think about my purpose here, and how I view the community I'm working with. These children don't deserve to be a 'project,' or guinea pigs that I'm using to learn how to teach. This community and church don't deserve to have given so much to me, but receive so little in return. This city doesn't deserve to have provided this opportunity and this welcome to people like me and then just see people slowly leave to better pastures. We've been through that before already - people came for the good and didn't stay for the bad - and that is why Detroit is what it is nowadays. If I believed in Detroit and the revival of this great city, I must know that Detroit deserves more than that. Detroit deserves people that won't only care about it for two or three years, but will love and cherish this city and its people for years and years to come. Mack Ave has a wonderful vision of having a diverse group of people move into the harsher neighborhoods of Detroit and immersing themselves into the community to revive it. It takes a lot of sacrifice and commitment, but this is what Detroit needs. 


This message really got me thinking about the commitment (or lack thereof) I'm making to this city. I don't know what the answer is yet, but I do know that this city deserves better than someone like me who saw Detroit as a short-term stopgap. Detroit needs a revival, and I want to be part of that. I'm not ready to make a commitment just yet, but I am ready to say that God called me here for a reason, and I can't just ignore that. I need to be like Jacob and be obedient when I'm called to certain places or situations. I love the city of Detroit, and I really can't just see this as a two or three-year thing. This has opened my heart up to a long-term commitment to this city. I'd like to be here to see it rise up from the ashes, and I guess that's an option I have to keep open as I pray and deliberate.


Speaking of my purpose here, I was at the Veritas Forum in Ann Arbor last Friday. A few things the speaker said reminded me of my purpose, which I have too often lost track of. Teach for America has reminded me time after time that this work is about achieving change; to increase test scores and reading levels. While that is true, I'm forgetting what teaching really is. Teaching is to transform the minds of the students; to show them the love they deserve and instill in them a change that isn't only academic but emotional, mental and cultural. It's easy to focus too heavily on test scores and student achievement (and thus yell at them for not doing work) and then forget to love them unconditionally. This speaker said that "knowledge is from the head, but understanding is from the heart." She's right - we're not just teaching them knowledge, but we're teaching them understanding. We're teaching an understanding of the world around them, an understanding of those different from them, an understanding of the hardships and suffering of those much worse off than them. I've forgotten that too often, and that talk was really good to just refocus my work; to remind myself of my purpose and my goal. 


Reading through the story of Jacob and many others in the Bible that followed even when they may not have wanted to was a firm reminder that I can't just do it my way. Jacob's story tells us that we can't be perfect, but it's exactly these imperfections that God uses for change. We need to admit to our imperfections, be people of honesty and integrity, and then serve not despite our imperfections, but using these imperfections. That's why I'm here.